The World at Large

Semi-triumphant Return

2008-08-18T15:39:00.002-05:00

Well, I've officially decided to raise this blog from the ashes of two years ago. I had a brief hiatus over at LJ, but that only lasted about a year. Maybe my attention span is simply too short.

I had initially intended to start a sort of "blog" on Flickr, but I just don't have the time to post an interesting picture most days. So my usual erratic, semi-regular posts here will have to suffice.

2006-07-23T17:56:00.000-05:00

Well, since I haven't bothered to cross-post any entries of late to Blogger, I suppose I'll officially make the move completely.

The World at Large will now be featured (under same management) at its new location as It Puts the Satin in Your Panties. Same great taste, same low price.

Rocker Bodies and Dalí Dilemmas

2006-07-11T16:03:00.001-05:00

EDIT: I just found that this post was never published (GS 081808)
_________________________________________
Well I haven’t posted in a couple days…

We went to Venice Beach and found some shark teeth…

Yesterday Mark and I went to the Salvador Dalí Museum. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but I found several things quite amusing:

First of all, the Dalí museum apparently draws homosexual men like butterflies to a flower.
Second of all, I find it quite humorous when two or more individuals find themselves viewing the same piece. Each person proceeds to sigh and coo to his or her companion of “Dalí’s amazing abilities as a photorealist” and the “fantasies depicted in the works of Miró”… next they will stare at the piece, their simple goal to be the final person “appreciating” such a work. In groups of three and four, the instant that one person gives up, the entire group relaxes with relief that he or she has been viewed as cultured and sophisticated and moves down the line.

Today mom, Mark, and I went to MOSI and saw the Bodies! Exhibition.

[On the way, we saw a corvette led by a truck with a rocking-chair in the back, both with their hazard lights on]Mom: “They must be going to the rocker-hospital… ‘Look out, look out, we’ve got a broken leg!’”
The cadavers on display were created through a process of using acetone immersion (for bodily water evacuation), a vacuum chamber (to remove acetone as vapor), and replacement of original fluids with a silicone polymer (down to the most basic intracellular level). As such, all bodies appeared as though they would were the person’s muscular or circulatory structure flayed while he was alive. Additionally, this dictates that the external genitalia be present in most cases.
Perhaps the most enjoyable part of the whole experience was observing people without their knowledge walk up to the models. Every single person would walk to the model, aim their face directly at the head, and move their eyes immediately down to the exposed penis. Every single person.

Of course, there were some rather large ones. ;)

We also watched a film in the MOSIMAX theater, which is basically watching a movie on the entire surface of a dome the size of a planetarium. I highly recommend it.

"Poodles Play Pinochle; Dog Show Cancelled"

2006-07-07T13:49:00.000-05:00

Well what's the first thing you do on vacation? That's right, go to Wal-Mart...

Wal-mart intercom: I need any member of management to the front for a 'Code Sunshine.' I don't know what a Code Sunshine is, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's serious.

And some more pearls of wisdom from my mother...

Mom: When I was a little boy my mother wouldn't even let us in the house until dinnertime.
Mark: So those sex changes really do work, huh?
Mom: Did you see those pants? Oh my god, cameltoe!

"Well then... what's orange? If this is red, I wanna know, What's orange?"

2006-07-07T02:10:00.000-05:00

Well we finally made it to St. Pete... Thank God. Sixteen hours in a vehicle is not exactly my cup of jager.

On the way I did some homework, did some sleeping, and watched The Corpse Bride:

Old Woman: [hitting skeleton with her walker] Bounder!
Alfred the Skeleton: Sweetie pie!
Old Woman: Cad! [hits him again]
Alfred the Skeleton: Angel!
Old Woman: Degenerate
Alfred the Skeleton: GERTRUDE!
Old Woman: [adjusts her glasses] Is that you, Alfred? But... you died fifteen years ago!
Alfred the Skeleton: [grabs old woman and dips her] Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!
[kisses her]

... and Requiem for a Dream:

Tyrone C. Love: California, here we come.
Harry Goldfarb: It's Florida, Ty. Florida.
Tyrone C. Love: California, Florida, whatever. Either way, your pale ass is getting a tan.
Big Tim: I know it's pretty, baby, but I didn't bring it out for air.

And just so everyone's clear... I have no idea whose internet I'm mooching... just some random next-door neighbor with a wireless network, I assume... But I won't be using it for long, so it's all good.

ETD Update: "What a fuckarow this is turning out to be."

2006-07-04T13:27:00.000-05:00

Our departure has been postponed indefinitely, subject to change at a moment's notice.

And since I've been putting off homework (because I thought we were leaving) for about six days now, I'm severely behind.

My grandma came by and stayed for a while; needless to say, she was wearing me out.

Her: "I know my grandson is perfect; you couldn't convince me otherwise."
Me: [...]

And don't even begin to talk about me leaving when you're the one that disappeared. Now that you're realizing exactly what you have and what you're probably going to lose, you realize that we've always been there, even when we were passed over and pushed back. Place no responsibility elsewhere; realize everything has been your choice.

At this point I'm ready to just stay home and enjoy the peace while they're gone for a few days.

"Fuck me Freddie"

2006-07-04T11:57:00.000-05:00

Okay, so let's go through this...

We were originally going to leave, as usual, Friday night for vacation (12-14 hour drive).
Instead, for some unknown reason, we changed it to that Saturday morning.
However, Mom and Mark decided to help my grandmother in her garden, so it was pushed back to Sunday morning.
Since we weren't leaving Saturday morning, my sister got to go to the skating rink Friday night, where she fell and "fractured" her arm.
Considering such, we pushed leaving back to Tuesday morning, so the second radiologist could offer an opinion (not broken, come to find out).
And then I wake up at 10:00 this morning, assuming that my family has left my sorry ass in bed, to find out that Marissa is sick and has been taken to the doctor.

So yeah. I'm in fucking Arkansas.

PostSecret Updated Every Sunday

2006-07-03T22:45:00.000-05:00

Here's my weekly reminder to go check out PostSecret...

"Only you can save me from myself..."

2006-07-03T21:23:00.000-05:00

Well we're finishing up packing for vacation; we leave around 7:00 in the morning. I'm so ready to get out of Arkansas for a while...

Mom: "Here, why don't you take some grape jelly. You want some grape jelly? Take some grape jelly. I've never made grape jelly before, why don't you take some grape jelly?"
Jordan: "Could you say 'grape jelly' just one more time?"
Alicia: "It's okay, you can straddle me; it won't break me.

I'm taking the following DVDs to watch while we're driving:

Breakfast at Tiffany's
Camp
Collateral*
Corpse Bride*
The Craft
Erin Brockovich
The Hours
Interview with the Vampire
Mazes and Monsters*
Mommie Dearest
The Mothman Prophecies*
Nanny McPhee
Requiem for a Dream
Sleepy Hollow
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
* = Never seen

And everyone needs to download Taste Your Fruit by Wicked Wisdom.

[EDIT: Everytime I edit and repost this entry, I get the following lovely error, even though the update goes through fine. I love it.]

Ennui envelopes me...

2006-06-30T01:37:00.000-05:00

I decided to watch Cruel Intentions while I was doing battle with technology... I think I like that movie more and more every time I see it. And we all know Ryan Phillippe is hot anyway, so there.

Cecile Caldwell: This sure doesn't taste like an iced tea.
Sebastian: It's from Long Island.
[on Greg McConnell being gay]
Blaine Tuttle: He used to sneak into my dorm room drunk every month. We'd go at it for a little while, and then, as soon as he'd come, he'd start freaking out. "What are you doing, man? I'm not a fag. If you tell anybody, I'm gonna kick your ass!" God. The only reason I let him keep up the charade is because the man's got a mouth like a hoover. Ooh!
Kathryn: The parental units called while you were out.
Sebastian: How IS your gold-digging whore of a mother enjoying Bali?
Kathryn: She suspects your impotent, alcoholic father is diddling the maid.
Sebastian: Good.

And I finally got the projector working, so now I'm off to begin my Nutrition midterm. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Honey do... Honey, come and do me again..."

2006-06-28T22:02:00.000-05:00

[Please note: Per request and recommendation of Sir Uncle Roy Bocephus-Lou Bailey, Vice Chancellor in Charge of Panty Retrieval (and certified Tunnel Boring Machine), The World at Large will now be featured in syndicate at LiveJournal.]

IA ORA TE NATURA
E MEA AROFA TEIE AO NEI
IA ORA TE NATURA
E MEA AROFA TEIE AO NEI

Well I had a windfall today and have all the furniture I'll need in the apartment... I really don't like the reason behind it, but oh well.

I so don't want to do Nutrition tonight, but I'll be working tomorrow and showing my video all day Friday. And I'm supposed to be done with homework before we leave Saturday. Bitch, please.

To everyone...

2006-06-26T23:54:00.000-05:00

To everyone...
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

Thought this was a good idea and just wanted everyone to know that each of you are important to me.

Weed Identification and Control

2006-06-26T23:40:00.000-05:00

I don't really feel like typing a cleverly-composed blog, so it's only gonna' be a couple of quotes...

Mom: "Well why is there a crack there if you're not meant to stick things in it?!"
Marissa (age 3): "Whoop 'er, Bubba!"

Oh yeah... I bathed a rabbit yesterday. I buried it today. There is no correlation, thank you.

...sigh...

2006-06-20T17:06:00.000-05:00

So I did a quick tally, and I have...

42 chapters, 1 essay, 14 Exams, 2 mid-terms, 1 final

...to do before the 1st of July (a week and a half).

Start 'em young.

2006-06-19T23:21:00.000-05:00

[An excerpt from Cultural Anthropology]

Among the Trobriand Islanders... children who have reached the age of 7 or 8 years begin playing erotic games and imitating adult seductive attitudes. Within another 4 or 5 years they begin to pursue sexual partners in earnest-changing partners often, experimenting sexually first with one and then another. By the time they are in their mid-teens, meetings between lovers take up most of the night, and affairs are apt to last for several months. Ultimately, lovers begin to meet the same partner again and again, rejecting the advances of others. When the couple is ready, they appear together one morning outside the young man's house as a way of announcing their intentions to be married.

Why so blue, Panda Bear?

2006-06-19T03:53:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. And I'm tired of being tired. And I'm tired of homework. And I'm tired... nevermind.

"CSI was on for about four of the hours that I spent doing Nutrition tonight... I think I've become addicted."
[This is all that exists of recent attempts at blogging; what a great life.]

Is anyone aware (probably Tessa, but no other) that the word "autoerotic" is used in Jurassic Park?

I looked in the mirror today and realized that not only do I have serious furrows in my brow (that don't go away, save for a little pulling) but they're crooked. They're not even level with my head. I blamed this immediately on my mother, who has the same problem; she readily commented that yeah, we also have the same funky angle in that one eyebrow.

My sister and I went to Chili's to eat with my dad and grandparents. First of all, my grandpa tried call-ahead seating and was told, "Oh, we can't take your name; there's no wait, just come right over." After the seven minute drive, there were sixteen people ahead of us, and a group of four was the largest. And since it was raining, the hostess decided that she needed to mop; this wound up being a bizarre checker-game-gone-bad type ballet:

Rather than mopping the rest of the empty floor first, she decides that she needs to mop right where I'm standing: "Excuse me, sir."
So I move to the other end of my group, at which point she mops AROUND them and back to me: "Excuse me, sir."
So I move to the center of the floor, at least ten feet away from her. Naturally, she makes a straight diagonal across the floor, intersecting me: "Excuse me, sir."
Once again I move to the opposite side of the room. Guess what: "Excuse me, sir."
Again rejoining my group, I go to where she has already mopped, thinking that I'm now safe from her attacks. But instead of returning the mop to the back through the centrally-located alley which every other employee has taken, she decides that it would be best to take the dirty mop through the restaurant and bar, which is also, of course, through me. "Excuse me, sir."
This long story to say: If I had heard "Excuse me, sir," one more time, I'm afraid Father's Day Lunch would have sounded like this:
"Bitch, let me tell you something. I am sick and goddamned tired of you chasing my ass all over this fucking floor with your goddamned broom. Now I know you like looking at my ass, but I'll be damned if you're going to continue trying to shove your broom up it. Now just take your wrinkled ass on over there and clean up that wet spot; I do believe that old fat lady just pissed herself."

And on the way home I bought $1.50 worth of gas with quarters, nickels, and dimes.

I have to be at work in four hours. I couldn't sleep because I was watching "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List" and (sadly) laughing hysterically. So I get on WebCT and realize that I just got a zero on four chapters of homework that I worked my ass off on and never submitted. So I sent off a little message, complete with some rather blatant attempts at reverse psychology, and I'm tired now. But I'm hungry first, and I'm eating some cheerios.

Oh yeah, and thanks to the anonymous poster on my last entry... flattery is always an effective mood-booster.

At 6:30 in the morning.

2006-06-15T06:28:00.000-05:00

I want to place a kitten in a box of razorblades and fire ants and shake it. I will then mail the product to the author of this shitty nutrition textbook which doesn't say a fucking thing in the entire chapter about the cause of edema in protein-energy malnutrition.

When babelfish attack.

2006-06-14T07:30:00.000-05:00

I realized that with my particular version of Microsoft Word, the following occurs:

If you type in the phrase wellbeing, you have the option (via the autocorrect feature) to replace it with either
- well being (after which it requests that you replace it with well-being)
or
- well-being (after which it requests that you replace it with well being)

Ahh, Microsoft...

And I just got my grade back from my first Anthropology assignment. The professor's comments:

"Grey, Good work; very neat; blocked in text with dates on the dates of human evolution. Learn young man; learn and become a better human being. See how the world and society and biology determine much of humankind. R. Bearden"

First of all, my name is not fucking Grey. I once filled out an information card at a college day and started getting mail addressed to Grey Sullivan as a result of shitty handwriting. This assignment was typed, okay?

Furthermore, what the fuck does the rest of that mean? I'm trying to picture Mr. Miyagi saying, "Learn, young man," right between "wax on" and "wax off," you know?

*sigh* I'm going to sleep in the hallway with Marissa. God, I hope she doesn't wake up for a few hours.

"Lose your load, leave your mind behind, Baby James..."

2006-06-14T02:19:00.000-05:00

Last night was awesome movie night... I watched something (I can't remember, but I know it was good...) and got ready for bed. But before I could doze off, I saw that Scenes From a Mall with Bette Midler and Woody Allen was on: cracks me up... So I watched that for two hours before discovering that Detroit Rock City was also on; I had forgotten how awesome it was! And then there was Groundhog Day, which is a rather shitty movie, but I still like it...

[From Detroit Rock City]
Jam: Hey what's up mom? I'm gonna ask you this nicely first. Can i have my drumsticks back?
Mrs. Bruce: Your drumsticks are the least of your worries young man. You ran out on God! My son just ran out on God! You are in a world of...
Jam: TROUBLE!? I've been in trouble for the past 12 hours! HELLO!? You know I'm going to be in St. Bernards Boarding School for the next 2 years. I'm gonna be out of your hair until I'm a legal adult! And then all YOU have to do is is light a candle, pray to some stupid little statue for me and all is forgiven and forgotten, right mom? Then you can spend your days in a guilt free pursuit of more constructive activities like telling people how screwed up their lives are. And then you no longer need the patience and understanding required to talk to your own son on some normal plain. And then that way you don't have to think about how tough it was for you when you were growing up and its a good thing too cause if you did, you'd realize what a lousy, goddam shitty-ass parent you are.
Mrs. Bruce: Jeremiah what has gotten into you?
Jam: I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY IN A CONFESSIONAL BOOTH... LORD HAVE MERCY! Now for the last time, Mom, give me back my fucking drumsticks... please.

Overall, I suppose I've had a rather good day...

Mom woke me up this morning so that I could meet her down the highway to buy a bed for my apartment for $1. ;)

I did some anthropology today... got to finish the rest when I get off here...

We had Mary's retirement dinner tonight at Layne's... 20-22 ounce Prime rib, medium rare; sauteed mushrooms; praline cheesecake, etc. And all on the bank's tab, of course--Now *that's* what I like to see.

Then I went over to Alicia's... ate some brownies, nearly died; played some uno, nearly died; searched for her brother's porn stash, nearly died. We had a good time.

Oh yeah! The current night processor at work told me that he got the following phone call:

Grant: "Good afternoon, Bank of Star City: This is Grant, how can I help you?"
Woman: "Yes, is Greg Sullivan there?"
Grant: "No ma'am, he's not."
Woman: "Oh. Well, is he a magician?"
Grant: "Um, I'm not actually sure."
Woman: "Okay, well thanks for answering all my questions."
[Click]

Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina...

2006-06-12T22:32:00.000-05:00

Well I learned this afternoon that I'll most likely be working full-time for the next two weeks. Yay. At least I'll get one solid paycheck.

I've been listening to records a lot today. For father's day I'm making a compilation CD from the records my grandpa's band put out years ago.

Saturday night I went to Ameca and the movies with Alicia, Diana, Wilson, Dusty, and Brian:

Me: "This [camping fork] would be perfect to kill someone with."
[Alicia said the man behind me immediately walked away.]
Diana: "Greg, I really think you should get this. Wouldn't a peasant skirt look good on you?"
[After which I received an inquisitive look from the woman walking by.]
Alicia and I danced out of the theater...

There was a giant poster up advertising a movie due out in August: Snakes on a Plane. What. The. Fuck. Are we finally out of names for movies? Maybe we should follow this line of logic and start naming movies (compiled from IMDB forum) as such:

Titanic: Big Boat Sinks
Jaws: Big Fucking Shark Eats People
Pirates of the Caribbean: Johnny Depp Acting Stoned
Brokeback Mountain: Cowboys Who Like Cowboys
Lake Placid: Big Gator in a Pond
Pulp Fiction: Samuel L. Jackson Blasts Some Muthafuckas
House Of Wax - Over-Hyped Anorexic Tries to Act Waxy and Wooden

...and my favorite...

The Da-Vinci Code: A Guy With Weird Hair and a French Hottie Search For the Proof That Jesus Was Married While a Creepy Old Gay Fella' Tricks Them

Oh yeah: You don't cry for me either, Argentina.

And that's why he has titties.

2006-06-10T13:24:00.000-05:00

Some assorted Overheard in New York Quotes:
____________________

My Heroes Have Always Been Dead

Teen girl #1: Hey, can I borrow your Nirvana CD to burn? My iPod erased my mp3s.
Teen girl #2: I wish I had it! I like, traded it away for a pack of cigarettes.
Teen girl #1: Woah... that's so, Kurt Cobain of you!
Teen girl #2: Hello. Totally why I did it.

--6 train
____________________

Not Guilty by Reason of Mango Madness

Teen ghetto chick: How many niggas was they? Like twelve? Do not tell James this shit, do not, 'cause he will be all ovah their asses and after he beat up the Snapple man and got arrested, he needs to stay away from that shit.

--Downtown A train, 145th st
____________________

Soon to Be a McD-Cup

Thirtysomething mom on cell: That boy of your is too fat. [Pause] Well, you keep feeding him hamburgers. That's why he has titties. He's an A-cup.

--M15 bus

____________________

It's Important to Have Principles

Girl #1: Was he attractive at least?
Girl #2: I wouldn't sleep with people who aren't attractive.
Girl #1: Well, I've slept with people who weren't attractive.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too.

--Dunkin' Donuts, 140th & Broadway

[World at Large note: Lord, haven't we all...]
____________________

Wednesday One-liners Have No Manners

College kid on cell: He used my razor to shave his balls....I didn't know what to do, I just stood there.

--85th & 2nd

[World at Large note: Damn it, Jared.]
_____________________

What Happens Between Starbucks Runs #22 and #23

Girl: I'm going to bed when I get home.
Mom: OK, if I get up before you and I want to do something fun, then should I wake you up?
Girl: It depends on what "fun" is. If it's one of your ninety-seven Starbucks runs, then no. If it's chasing the dog around the house going "Eeeeee!" then, yeah, sure.

--B train

Meerkats Molest Manatee; Zoo Officials Stunned

2006-06-10T11:22:00.000-05:00

Not much to say...

"You have lovely testicles."
"Thanks; I used to enter them in pageants."
[Three guesses who this conversation occurred between]
"Dear Abby, I think that a young man in our family may be gay (He is 15). I am wondering if there is some way that I could help him. Would circumcision cure it?
-Worried Grandmother in Illinois"
[I quote this as exactly as I can recall from an actual letter to Dear Abby. Not surprisingly, Abby responds, voicing her opinion that homosexuality is not a sickness to be cured.]

Special of the Day: Strychnine Soup

2006-06-07T22:24:00.000-05:00

So I tried to post Tuesday when I got home... and Blogger lost it.
So I tried to post this morning... and Blogger lost it.

So I'm not going to take the time to type that eloquent, sometimes funny, sometimes serious, masterfully-worked-to-perfection piece of my thoughts a third time.

Instead... I'll say:

SON OF A GODDAMN, MOTHERFUCKING, SHITTY WHORE ASS, CUNT FACED BITCH! FUCK YOU, BLOGGER! I'M SICK OF THIS GODDAMN SHIT! EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I TRY TO POST SOMETHING I'VE WORKED ON FOR AN HOUR YOU LOSE THE MOTHERFUCKING POST AND I AM FORCED TO DO THE WHOLE SHITTY THING AGAIN; AND THEN... SOMETIMES... MAYBE... YOUR SHITTY ASS WILL POST IT WITHOUT LOSING IT.

And in closing....
I now go to finish my chocolate cake and continue reading about female Bonobos rubbing their genitals against one another.

Love and kisses,
-Mamacita-

"Ooh aah uhh... toxic love."

2006-06-05T11:57:00.000-05:00

Well Jordan and I went to the Mr./Miss Gay Pride Pageant at UBU last night... It was good; Gigi gave up her title to Dustin...

Wesley was there with some boy named Justin who was actually too young to get in.

After we got back we were watching Discovery Health. A deaf man was having a chin implant to fill out his profile a little better. Before he went under the anesthesia, the nurses placed the oxygen mask over his mouth:

Nurse (while wearing a surgical mask, mind you): "Okay, we're just gonna' put some oxygen on your face.
[Makes a generic circular shape with her hand... Maybe 'O' means Oxygen? ;) ]
Deaf man thinking: "What the hell is this bitch waving her hand for?"

Okay, so I admit... It's not nearly as funny as it was then, but hey- It was also four in the morning.

No more crack before bed.

2006-06-04T14:16:00.000-05:00

I must say... Considering the dream I just had, I've been hanging around Megan too much.

So goes the dream:

While staying the night at my grandparents, I couldn't sleep and decided to take a walk outside. I told them I was leaving and, rather than walking to the door, simply climbed out a window.

Upon getting outside, I find myself in their backyard (which is actually an outdoor amphitheatre because they apparently live in an old school). At the edge of the woods I see several dark figures walking away, one of them a naked man on a horse.

I walk around for a while before the figures come back and approach me. Behind them is a group of some forty or fifty individuals, almost all naked, but only the one on horseback (I actually think he may have been a centaur). He hands me a paper sack full of items (the only one I notice is a copy of Goodfellas on DVD, which is actually spelled "Goodfellows" in the dream). He then proceeds to explain to me the group's religious ideologies, none of which I can remember save for "we don't believe in the nine Gods," and something about a "God of blood."

So we all take our seats in the stands and a program involving nudity and elaborate costumes begins... before I wake up. Damn.

Handsome hot-dogs

2006-06-03T20:27:00.000-05:00

So far my weekend has been good, but tiring...

I worked Friday then went to Russelville with Jordan to see some of his friends...

While driving to Conway, I got behind an early model Ford Pickup with four young men in the back, three holding guitars, one with a violin. Obviously they're still working on hitting it big.
[Paraphrase]
Midgie: "Stop it, Jacob!"
Jordan: "Did you just call me Jacob?"
Midgie: "No, I said Jordan..."
Me: "She did. I heard her."
Jordan: "No, you called me Jacob!"
Midgie: "Well I can call you Mom if it would make you feel better."

Today (Saturday) I went to Little Rock with Mom (my actual mom, not mom in reference to Jordan...) to run some errands:

Mom (reading a sign): "Touch... Privates Therapy... Well that's nice... I wonder how much it costs."
Me: "You mean 'Touch-Pointe Therapy?"
Mom: "Oh. Okay. I guess maybe I should wear my glasses when I'm driving."
Me (in reference to a shirtless redneck on his front porch): "You want me to go back so you can whistle?"
Mom: "Oh, I didn't see him... Was he a hot tamale or what? Come over here, you luscious thing!"
Mom (on a nonworking lawnmower facing uphill): "Push me!"
Me: "I can't push your ass..."
Mom: "Was that a fat joke?"
[...]

Oh yeah... and I burned a fantastic CD:

Elton John - Levon
Natasha Bedingfield - Frogs and Princes
Paula Abdul - Straight Up
Gladys Knight & The Pips - Midnight Train to Georgia
GK & TP - Misty Blue
Stevie Wonder & Dionne Warwick - That's What Friends Are For
Patti Labelle - Lady Marmalade
Camera Obscura - Houseboat
Commander Cody... - Hot Rod Lincoln
Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil
RS - You Can't Always Get What You Want
RS - Brown Sugar
Taco - Putting on the Ritz (remix of original, of course)
O'jays - Love Train
Rilo Kiley - Teenage Love Song
RK - Portions For Foxes
Taylor Dane - I'll Be Your Shelter

"It is very good to take things..."

2006-06-01T14:54:00.000-05:00

First of all... a search for "panda" on Google Image uncovers a poorly translated webpage detailing a number of methods of animal copulation. An excerpt:

Kangaroo: A point is sharp, and sex organs are divided into the type Y letter like a branch. On the other hand, as for the female sex organs, a vagina is divided into two in all the excretory mouths. The position of the male testicles changes, too. A human being is included, too, and a general animal faces though there is scrotum of back of the sex organs, and a kangaroo has sex organs about the back at the front.
Panda: There is a thing called the "sixth finger" in one of the big characteristics of the panda. It is said that a part of the bone became long in the thing of the projection in the palm of the panda about this. It is very good to take things because it confronts the palm and it is stuck. Male sex organs are very little things by about 7cm.

Did I mention that it's complete with animated images? After this, I definitely had to make a trip to Engrish.com.

So then I get on WebCT to get my next assignment for Anthropology:

Always read your assignments carefully! Essays should follow a logical and time themematic sequence; that is, explan the basic scientific hypotheses (scientific theories which are "facts" held to a constant, rigorious standard of repetitive tests) that led to evolution of each classification of humankind. Be sure to explain what each progressive development of humankind produced.
(red=spelling error)
(underline=fucked up or nonsensical phrase)
Sounds as to like someone steal of Japanese website or try to make the sound smart but with failure (sic).

Other than these, I've only uncovered a few interesting things:

Last night I watched most of a movie called Motel Hell. Basically it's a farmer and his sister who kidnap travelers and plant them in the garden to make delicious smoked meat.
The other night I found a television show called Pants-Off Dance-off. Basically, the premise is a show on which random people (who can or cannot dance) striptease to their favorite music video. It's quite tragic... kinda' like a dismembered head rolling down the highway.
Linday's wedding is Saturday... and do I have a gift? Um, no.
I heard a song I like called "Fatty Fatty" by The Heptones.
Since the question was asked, an explanation of yesterdy's post: "wearing boxers" means "wearing only boxers."

And to close, yet another slightly shockingly mysteriously cryptic phrase from the Japanese copulation website:

"The mystery of the nature which isn't taught to me is understood at school."

"When you grow up, your heart dies."

2006-05-31T21:54:00.000-05:00

Ten bucks and a stale twinkie to anyone who knows this title quote offhand. Okay, I admit: I actually spent the ten bucks on a prostitute and ate the twinkie, so basically you get a pretend high-five.

Since I haven't started working yet, I decided to clean up all the random unpacked boxes in my room. It was at this point that I realized that I actually have more women's clothing in my closet than men's.

I also learned today that it is generally a bad idea to wear boxers while jumping on a trampoline in the presence of minors. No elaboration needed.

And just in case anyone was wondering, consumption is subject to diminishing marginal utility.

Stroke of my... I mean, midnight.

2006-05-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

"Life is half spent before we know what it is."

Oh my God. It's official: I am "as old as the hills."

Has anyone seen Jonathan Lipnicki lately? (Jerry Maguire)
Anybody remember City Slickers with Billy Crystal? Yeah, did you know Jake Gyllenhaal was in that?
Recall this Andy Lawrence? Okay, then, how about this one?
And of course we all remember the hippie that Danielle Fishel's Topanga on "Boy Meets World" began as... And the um, well, you know, that she grew into...

Panda Says, "No."

2006-05-28T18:21:00.000-05:00

Well we worked more cattle this morning and it was quite shitty, with lots going wrong.

I had a slightly frightening dream about praying mantes (yeah, I looked the plural up) that could run really fast, and I think they were hunting me.

I watched a squirrel hop from over the horizon today. He walked down a line of approximately forty trees and right past me before passing into the sunset on the other side. It was very majestic; I think he may have been rabid.

I've decided to add a link to the Apostrophe Protection Society since my slightly obsessive, grammar-nazi purchase of Eats, Shoots & Leaves.

Milli Vanilli Flavored Ice Cream

2006-05-26T15:17:00.000-05:00

For those of us looked down upon by the rest of the population (literally), there is a bit of light at the end of the tunnel: Read this article. My favorite line: "But supporters of short people say it's about time someone recognizes the unique challenges they face."

So my morning has been occupied by working cattle. [Cue blank, lifeless stare]

Perhaps the most interesting portion of my morning, then, centered on my studies of the transfer of momentum from a rapidly-moving object to stationary particles and the spatial changes subsequently undergone by the latter... Yeah, I stuck a stick in the dirt.

Sid: "Let me tell you one thing, heifer: You hit me, and you will have just punched your ticket outta' here!"

Blueberry with an English accent

2006-05-25T11:17:00.000-05:00

Just in case anyone was wondering...

I am worth $2,230,850 on HumanForSale.com

Holy Circle Jerk, Batman!

2006-05-24T14:46:00.000-05:00

So I registered for classes at SEARK today. Holy. Fucking. Shit. I hate that place.

8:05 - Go to the bank to make money appear from nowhere, thus funding my summer.
8:56 - Arrive at SEARK.
9:05 - Get in the longest fucking line I have ever seen.
9:30 (Time waiting: 30 minutes) - Realize that I am in the wrong line and first need advisor approval. A cute blonde with eyebrows in need of a bleach job holds my place.
9:33 - 10:02 - Go the Nursing/Allied Health Advisor room; explain my case. Am told to go to General Studies Advisor room and am incorrectly directed to Technical Studies Advisor Room; explain my case. Am sent to the Vice President 0f Student Affairs for special executive approval ("Why do I have to sign off on this? I don't know why they sent you to me."). She sends me to the co-chair of General Studies who I finally track down after three cross-campus trips in a dimly lit office ("Yep, I'm the guy to come to.").
10:03 - Resume my place in line, which has moved exactly ten feet.
11:00 (Time waiting: 2 hours) - Sit down in line.
11:58 (Time waiting: 3 hours) - Arrive at the front of the line where the following conversation occurs:
"They approved you for this schedule?"
"Yes, ma'am, they did."
"No."
"Mr. Eggensberger signed off on it."
"No."
"Well..."
"No."
12:14 - The data entry worker leaves, then returns and claims that I must go obtain approval from the Dean of Library and Distance Learning Division.
12:30 - After doing so, return to data entry where the following conversation occurs:
"Did you find her?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"All right... Wait, you've still got..."
"Fine, just take the Sociology off! I don't care."
[...]
"Well, I guess... No, it's okay as long as Ms. Perschbacher signed it."
12:37 - Pay at the Business Office without a hitch.
12:49 - Purchase books without a hitch.

Mark it: a full four hours of bureacratic fuckarow designed to make my life a living Hell.

My statement of summation to mom: "That place is a complete cluster fuck, Mother; do you realize this?"

Shoop, Shoop Ba-doop...

2006-05-21T14:49:00.000-05:00

La la la...

Friday night was Relay for Life... Surprisingly, I managed to shave a few hours off and only be awake and walking for 22. But we did raise $62,000 in a town of 2,500 people, so I think things worked out rather well.

Highlights (centered around my mother):

"I turned a corner and spilled Mark's [sweet and sour sauce] all over my lap. You know how hot that was? And then it looked like I was ragging!"
Mom to random woman: "Yeah, you didn't see me on TV? I was on Let's Make a Deal. I can't believe you don't recognize me..."
[The girl later asked for an autograph. Needless to say my mother wasn't on TV.]
"I need a stamp and a telephone book! Run! A stamp and a telephone book! And look for a deck of cards!"
[Should I mention that this was a serious scavenger hunt?]

Further highlights (centered elsewhere):

Saw lots of people I haven't seen in a while... Talked to Wilson for, like, forever...

Saturday I went to Conway and then rode with Jordan to Alma's graduation. I met his parents (which appeared to turn out rather well!) and several friends... most of whom were crazy (no doubt a positive trait). I managed to deter my annual post-Relay headache with a few Excedrin tension headaches and had a good day!

Sunday was pretty much spent tilling.

Today (Monday) I rode with Megan to Fayetteville for a job interview.

Highlights:

On the way up, we saw... a fucking... fat-truck. Not a phat truck. Not a fat truck. A FAT-TRUCK. I'm talking about a tanker truck designed specifically to transport fat.
It read, "Inedible Feed Fat. Not For Human Consumption." This spawned a conversation centered on the possibilities concerning the contained fat's consistency.
I shopped for a while during Megan's interview, spent too much money at a bookstore, and wound up in a Shiatsu Massage Chair for 15 minutes. Megan and I then returned to the bookstore, sat on the floor, and read random books.
We went to McAlister's where I tried to hook Megan up with either the lesbian cashier with the blue mohawk or the straight male server before being accosted by the tragic, obviously gay employee, whose actually job we we never figured out.
On the way back we heard No Scrubs.
We met Jordan at Shorty Small's in Conway for a quickie in the parking-lot. Okay, so maybe we just ate, but you know.

And I promised Megan that this would get TWO entries in my blog because at the time it struck me as totally and utterly profound. I suppose one good explication will suffice:

You know the line in Anna Nalick's Breathe that says, "And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table...?" Well Megan's response was, "Why don't you just turn the table over?"

This may not seem special to anyone else, but yeah... my life was changed.

Ho. Ho. Hoe. Who? Me?

2006-05-18T23:04:00.000-05:00

Well I found myself attending two separate graduations this evening: Taylor from kindergarten and Star City's High School.

The former was very good... the kids are always so cute in their little caps and gowns...

Shamby: "Where's Mr. Ryburn? I figured he'd be here."
Mom: "Oh, he's out of town; I think he's in Memphis... or... maybe Alaska."
Shamby: "Um... okay... so which is it?"
Mom: "I don't know! Wait, I think he may be in Australia. Hey... Carita... where's Mr. Ryburn?"
Carita: "Bennie, Jr.? He's in Texarkana at an ABA meeting."
Me: "Mother..."
Mom: "Shut up. Don't talk to me."
Me: "He's sitting on the back row."

The latter was overall pretty good; again this year I only got there a half hour early, so I ended up in the... um... tragic section.

Highlights:

Being literally tackled in the crowd by Alicia.
I saw a girl who looked just like Tiffany Taylor (Yeah, so I watched Camp last night... sue me).
And that's pretty much all.

Isn't it kind of disturbing when you see all these hot little seventeen year olds walking around and you can remember when they were eight?

And... Considering I'll be up for a minimum of 24 hours beginning tomorrow, I think it's time for me to go to bed. *sigh*

Silvered Rings and Diamond Eyes

2006-05-16T22:54:00.000-05:00

I'm tired of depressing blog entries, so "now for something completely different."

There's a really interesting porn site called Beautiful Agony. There's no actual nudity save for the neck up, but it appears to have a rather large fanbase...
This Friday night (7p to 7a) is Star City's annual Relay for Life. It's on the square; anyone in the vicinity should definitely attend and try their hand at me in the dunking booth. Besides... I think we can all agree that the whole thing's for a very good cause.
If you haven't, you really need to download Beautiful Things - Andain. The perfect word for it was included in a recent comment... "enchanting."
In addition, since you're working on that, you should also download When the Stars go Blue by Ryan Adams and totally eliminate Tim McGraw's shitty country version from your memory.

Oh... and I just had to blatantly steal this from Heather's blog:

Hint of Human

The mirror warps your reflection
as you decide who to be,
you only see what you want,
and youve never seen yourself clearly,

Just a skeleton,
a plethora of someone elses style,
face, ideas, body and morals,
as you look you know its been a while
if ever,
there were a certain time you were faintly human

Shake and Bake Reality

2006-05-14T20:16:00.000-05:00

So I returned to the recliner (as, I later found, Tessa and Jordan suggested) after a couple hits of Excedrin Migraine and slept quite peacefully, relocating to my bed in the middle of the night. As for tonight... I'm thinking Excedrin PM around 9:00 will do the trick.

Last night as I was lying in bed, a friend called. I didn't answer. He left a voicemail:
"Hey, Greg, it's (...). [Blows smoke] I guess I either just can't catch you or you're avoiding me... [Two second silence] Bye, Greg." And yeah, that sounded like a "I'm not trying anymore" Bye.

I realize that I've gotten worse than I ever have been at returning calls, voicemails, posts, and messages... Since my computer only sometimes will pull texts off my broken phone, even that has ceased most of the time. I just find myself not wanting to talk to anyone... And I guess if I continue doing these things, people will eventually stop trying. Maybe that's what I'm unconsciously trying to achieve.

I hate shitty depressing blog posts. Random quote:

Random redneck at softball field: "You won't find any virgin ass right here. My ass has 'taken it' plenty of times."
[I'll leave that completely out of context]

Melancholy Dolly and a Pup Named Sue

2006-05-14T00:57:00.000-05:00

And the headaches continue...

Now I am fully aware that melancholy blogs bitching about one's feeling shitty have been well overdone; I realize that it is cliched and banal; and I understand that no one really cares. At least I'll refrain from titling it "I hate my life" or "Is this all there is?"

So I spent the day tilling the garden until I sheared the pin attaching the tines, at which point they ceased to turn and I quit.

After dinner I decided to go to bed early before realizing that after trying for some five odd hours, I can't. This isn't, necessarily, because I'm not tired, merely that from my waist up aches so severely when I lay down or sit that I am unable. I know that it's tension, and I know exactly from whence it arises. But I'm not a fucking horse, and I won't be sleeping while standing. So for now I'm stuck watching terrible MTV "reality" shows like Parental Control.

But... on a lighter note, I suppose... some Will & Grace quotes might be appropriate:

LORRAINE: What's it look like I'm doing? Turning tricks for Tootsie Rolls? I was kicked out of my place, so I'm moving in here. [TO KAREN] Hello, mother
Karen: Hit the road, you syphilitic toad!
Lyle: Karen, if there's one thing I will not tolerate, it's rhyming insults.
Lorraine: Sow.
Karen: Cow.
Lorraine: Runt.
Lyle: Stop it!
Karen: There are two things that I will not tolerate in this house: racism and constipation!

But this one should sit separately [And no, this in no way is associated with any depressed blogs of late]:

When I'm feeling like there's no love coming to me and I have no love to give... When I'm feeling separated from the world and cut off from myself... When I'm feeling annoyed by every little thing because I'm not getting what I want, I'll remember that there is an infinite amount of love available to me.

And I'll see it in you.

I'll remember that I am complete within myself so I'll never have to look to you to complete me. And most of all, I'll remember that everything I really need I already have, and whatever I don't have will come to me when I'm ready to receive it.

So maybe I'll try leaning against the doorframe...

Come, Mr. Tally Man; Tally Me Banana

2006-05-11T22:42:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a solid week since I've posted and I've not much to show for it:

I have little recollection of the weekend (save for being extremely tired from three shows)...
and nothing interesting to say about finals Monday and Tuesday.
(And there were so many good quotes, too...)

Wednesday, however proved quite interesting... I had gone to bed with a headache and woke up with a screaming migraine. So I took some Excedrin and traipsed off to my art final; I did stop once on the way and prayed to God that a midget with a spear would fall from the sky and stop the whole violent nausa/blinding light/timpani pounding thing, but to no avail.

Once there, my pieces received rave reviews. But the thing lasted for THREE... and a HALF... HOURS! Needless to say, I really didn't feel like packing my shit up, but I did nonetheless. Went out to eat that night with Victor and Shane at Chili's... had a good time discussing the wait staff...

I loaded everything today and checked out of my dorm; while having lunch at Hog Pen, Dr. Lopas was there (my art prof)... he said, "I don't know if you had any doubts or not, but you definitely aced my class."

So this got me thinking. For my first eighteen years, I was good. At everything. Then I got to Hendrix and it all turned to crap. I feel as if I've gotten to a point where I'm treading water... no ambition... no striving for success... my only goal to be average, nothing special, and mediocre.

And then something happens where you realize that there may still be something that you're good at; something that you enjoy having in your life; something that makes people appreciate having you in theirs. I guess this goes back to the post I had a while back where I said that everyone needs to appreciate and to be appreciated.

There's a part of me that makes me want to say, "Fuck it all. I'll be a photographer and a graphic designer and an architect and a starving artist. Or maybe just a teller for the rest of my life." But can I really guarantee that I'll even be happy then? Maybe this is just a rebellious swing from the whole medicine thing.

Maybe I'm just fucking crazy. Cool beans.

Oh. And Mom just told me that since Mark hurt his leg, I'll have to till the garden Saturday. In the immortal words of Tessa, "Shitty."

Heart-shaped cookie

2006-05-05T11:53:00.000-05:00

This is a special super-duper, lucky-good post by request of Tessa (who updated one of her LJ posts, like, three or four times in one day...)

So in the week since I've posted... I really can't remember anything that's happened. Okay, maybe...

Jordan started working the night-shift, so we've been meeting for "lunch" at 8:00 pm.
I enlarged a hole in the ass of one of my pants: from (---) to (------------)
[Multiply those by, like, fifty for exact measurements]
I realized that there are only two weeks lefts in the final series of Will & Grace, and I haven't even been watching it!
I discovered that polyvinyl alcohol does, indeed, suspend rather well in isopropyl alcohol

Some quotes:

Campolo: "Louise, what are you doing?"
Louise: "Sniffing my pen."
Campolo: "Sniffing your pen? That's not a drug thing, is it? That may make class better, but still..."
Overheard at Hendrix: "Because your mother is a good mother and doesn't give your shit away... like mine."

From Edward Scissorhands:

Bill: Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.
Kim: Hold me.
Edward: I can't.

"It had no pink skin, just heavy gray metal."

2006-05-02T19:21:00.000-05:00

I had a nice sized entry all ready to go and Blogger randomly disconnected and lost it. So screw it.

Today's update now consists of Tim Burton's The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
[Link]

Granola and television

2006-04-30T06:47:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Megan's Myspace:

I once saw a message at a church that said, "Busy souls don't have time to be busy bodies." I really don't agree. I'm a wanna-be chef that lives the life of granola bars and TV dinners on the go; I'm an artist that sketches in the edges of her notebook in the middle of class; I practice everything in the shower... from radio tunes to conversations to speeches. I wish to be the best friend I can... however I live the life of email and text messaging...

[And] yet I think happiness is not something you can make... or look for. Its just something you are. I am [the] one with my soul every second of every minute of every day.

Erebus cover me

2006-04-30T06:11:00.000-05:00

So I get home and realize that I'm not sure I can go to sleep.

Right now I'm eating Cool-Whip from the bowl, drinking green tea, and listening to Beautiful Things (Andain) for about the fifth time since 5:50.
__________

Got up early, found something's missing: my only name. No one else sees but I got stuck, and soon forever came. Stopped pushing on for just a second, then nothing's changed. Who am I this time, where's my name? I guess it crept away.

No one's calling for me at the door; and unpredictable won't bother anymore; and silently gets harder to ignore.

Get me up, wake me up; dreams are filling this trace of blame. Frozen still I thought I could stop, Now who's gonna wait.

[Full]
__________

I really like this song; it's exactly how I've been feeling this weekend. I know Monday's going to be a really bad day, but I've done nowhere near what I should have done to prepare for the assault. Sometimes I wish that I could just "hand over the reins" of this life to someone who knows what they're doing; maybe they could get it all fixed up and return it sometime.

You know, when you draw a picture from life, the image is composed of strokes made solely in relation to other strokes, mimicking the relation of isolated elements of your perception. Now if you get caught up in a single element or area and work it to completion, you find that it's harder and sometimes well-nigh impossible to construct any further accurate relationships.

It seems that this applies to life as well: if you work solely on a single element of your life, it gets increasingly more difficult to place this element in relation to others. Specifically an example: if the highest degree of control and balance is perfected upon one's self, it proves difficult to practice control over more external portions of one's life.
__________

[Previously written]

As a child we have all the answers. Each of us is an oracle in his own right, the greatest purveyor of knowledge this world has known. Granted this feat is made simpler by the fact that things are purely black or white in youth; the gray area opens, then, as we age and slowly swallows us, a careful digestion of preconceptions and immature, ill-gotten notions.

What if one day I wake up from this dream and begin to forget this world? Will I experience regret for not accomplishing anything or taking enough chances or will I simply pass from this plane with no recollection?

A Gezunt Dir in Pupik

2006-04-27T13:03:00.000-05:00

So it's been a bit... musically eclectic... inside Greg's head today.

I awoke to-

Hava nagila, hava nagila
Hava nagila, venis mecha

Hava neranena, hava neranena
Hava, hava, neranena

[I'm not Jewish, so spelling's nothing more than a rough approximation]

Then in art it switched to-

'Gypsies, tramps, and thieves,'
We'd hear it from the people of the town:
They'd call us 'gypsies, tramps, and thieves,'
But every night all the men would come around
and lay their money down
[This prompted my recommendation that Tessa, Myself, and Jared dress up one day as a gypsy, a tramp, and a thief, respectively]

After lunch I got some funk-

[Spoken portion of Maggot Brain]
"Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time,
for y'all have knocked her up.
I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe;
I was not offended,
for I knew I had to rise above it all
or drown in my own shit."
Ow, we want the funk;
Give up the funk.
Ow, we need the funk;
We gotta have that funk

And since I've been sitting here writing-

We run;
We hide;
We wait and want
the good life.
Aw sure,
You're right:
This ain't
the good life.
Ahhhhhh, elegantly wasted.
Ahhhhhh, elegantly wasted.

And now I'll frolic off to watch some annoying-ass presentations in EcoEvo lab...

(Oh yeah... it's official: Jared and I are in Front Street next year.)

Abercrombie Barbies

2006-04-26T13:06:00.000-05:00

Finals06
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

Well I finally did my finals schedule and realized that I have none in the afternoon. *sigh*

I went with Dad and Leslie to Juanita's last night... Theory of a Deadman, Hinder, and Faktion were there. Basically there were two types of people in attendance:

Little girls with low-cut shirts, dark tans/white highlights, and high heels.
College-age jocks in tight-fitting polos, ripped jeans, and white sneakers.

Anyway, before I start bitching about cookie-cutter people... a few thoughts for a slightly melancholy mood:

Reumers ("Everything Happens for a Reason")
[Incidentally, also reported to be the author of a poem included in the book the perks of being a wallflower [sic]. Rather long to include here, so here's a link.]
"All our young lives we search for someone to love: someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners; we dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us."
[from The Wonder Years]

I pinch.

2006-04-25T12:14:00.000-05:00

Go to this website:

Element

...and click on the first commercial at the bottom left (The Crab).

It cracks me up.

Assume the fetal position.

2006-04-24T14:54:00.000-05:00

lostpersons
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

I'm in a really weird mood today...

I flushed my 600+ song playlist and made a new one. It includes-

Ray Charles - Why, Georgia
Eva Cassidy - Songbird (Blame that on Tessa)
Joni Mitchell - Both Sides, Now; All I Want; Free Man in Paris; California; Hejira
Cyndi Lauper - True Colors
Happy Hardcore - Discoland
The Rakes - All Too Human
Gary Jules - Mad World;
Azure Ray - Dragonfly; November
Dan Fogelberg - Isle au Haut
Graham Colton Band - Cellophane Girl; Cigarette
Elliot Smith - Miss Misery
Joss Stone - Some Kind of Wonderful; Fell in Love With a Boy
The Postal Service - Such Great Heights

Today was the very last Organic lab, and that excites me. Still two tests remaining, however, and that doesn't.

Goodwin (written): "Maybe I won't talk today."
[And he didn't for the first twenty minutes]
Goodwin (written): "Erethay Ouyay Ogay"
Goodwin: "I forgot to ask that you stay when you're done with your melting point to check out of both your drawers. That is, if you've nothing more pressing to do, like open heart surgery."
Gary: "Well I have a friend that was really looking forward to playing this video game..." Goodwin: "Well that's important... I guess I'm most surprised, though, by the whole 'having a friend' part."

Campolo decided that rather than making us do a literature review and final exam, we'll do a book review, something I fully expected. That excites me. Additionally, those four absences that should have brought my final grade down by eight percentage points have somehow been reduced to a single absence (two point reduction).

Lombardi: "I think I'm going to flunk his butt... I'm sorry, that was rude, wasn't it? Flunk his tail." (Then gives Foster a hug)

Regardless of the fact that this picture has fairly obviously been retouched (I wonder what the sign originally said), I like it nonetheless.

"Haven't you people ever heard of... closing the goddamn door?"

2006-04-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

Thursday night David, Jordan, and I went to the Factory and hung out with Shane, Victor, Jon-Jon, and everybody.

Friday night the two of us went with Scott to Backstreet. Basically I learned that eleven miles over the speed limit on Cantrell isn't considered reason for a ticket if you've got a police ID...

Saturday we took Kamrin back to Little Rock and watched some movies...

I decided today that I want to drive an ice-cream truck when I grow up.

Highlights from lunch:

"For an asian girl, she got a big ol' penis."
"Don't make me stab you this early in the damn day."

And now I'll frolic off to do shitty Organic...

Cup 'a tea? How's y'er Mum?

2006-04-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

Ugh. I am currently in a bad mood for a reason I'll not discuss here. ;(

Our presentation went well in EcoEvo. Certainly not as badly as I expected.

I think for dinner tonight I want a ridiculously-sized salad with innumerable toppings.

I've come to the conclusion that most people seem to live their lives in one of two ways: with either accurate, hand-wrought precision or rapid, automated approximation. I prefer the former, but it seems that more and more steer toward the latter... Goes back to whether quantity or quality should be the priority...

I started an explanation of that, but that's gonna' be way too long; so I guess I'll go tan instead.

Testosterone Boys and Harlequin Girls

2006-04-19T17:03:00.000-05:00

I recently finished eating a bowl of Cool-Whip and making a bugel out of chocolate.

I've skipped class more in the past month than I think I have the entire three semesters prior. That's a bad sign... I'm not even halfway there yet. I'm so ready to be out of this place.

On a lighter note, some teacher quotes...

Goodwin: "I'm a big fan of insects... I didn't say incest."
[NOTE: The following should be considered a valid reason for hating one's life]
Goodwin: "According to my watch, class is over, but according to Cingular, we have two minutes. That's why I start class by my watch and end class by Cingular.

I FINALLY got some laundry done today. If I hadn't, I would seriously have been going to Art naked (Come to think of it, that may be interesting, considering I'm working on a self-portrait).

How big?

2006-04-17T17:42:00.000-05:00

Special Edition of The World at Large, featuring Overheard at Hendrix (just for Tessa):

Socccer Guy #1: Nine and a half?
Soccer Guy #2: Yeah, I saw it, because we used to... [couldn't hear remainder]

WANTED: Tank of gas for one of my kidneys.

2006-04-17T15:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I took Jo down yesterday to see Dad for Easter... His new girlfriend seems nice.

I am heartbroken... It took $34.00 to top off my truck. I remember a time when $12.00 equalled a full tank and some change. Damn.

Jordan and I went to Backstreet last night and hung out with Shane.

Jordan: "Everybody all over my husband..can't have *nothing* nice!"
Shane: "It was like a retarded Easter Bunny."

Latest E&M update...

Campolo: "Don't you have the right to pluck that people seed up and say, 'No germination in my carpet!'?"
"[Adult ribs might be too big; someone would notice. But you could use kids. ] I'm not saying kill children... I'm saying grow the ribs separately and then eat them.
Random student: "Babyback ribs!"

"I don't have to be me 'til Monday..."

2006-04-16T00:02:00.000-05:00

Steve Azar
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

Oh, the weekend I've had.

Friday night went quite well, and we got Neil married off again. There was the chance for some serious family drama, but it blew over. Highlights included-

LeeAnn: "They're out of Coke."
Nancy: "They're out of Coke? Well they sure haven't run out of alcohol!"
My mother doing the Cha-Cha Slide.

Afterwards I went and hung out with Megan for a while; she's in the process of packing and moving, so it was quite interesting... We talked about all kinds of things, including but not limited to the following topics (in no particular order):

Oil paint
Exes
Maturity
Grammar
School
Work
The utter ridiculousness of humanity.
...and The Puss: Kismet.

Perhaps some of these may stir especially thoughtful future postings.

Saturday I woke up late because my alarm clock was never "sprung forward." The next twelve hours were spent at StarDaze, however, and overall I had a good time. I came to several conclusions:

It's kind of funny to see all the people who were "pretty" in high-school turn ugly;
It's kind of surprising to see the ugly people turn pretty;
And it's really scary when these same people have four kids.

Additionally:

I could *so* see myself partying with my Mom. Is that bad?
I really enjoy being an active member of my community; why don't I do it more often?

Most Importantly:

I think the discomfort I feel when I'm not behind a camera has its origins in my aversion to social interaction. Perhaps that's why I enjoy photography- merely a mode of satisfying a personality flaw. It's much easier to be a constant observer, after all, rather than practice active participation. And after a while, that same camera makes you virtually invisible...able to witness and capture almost anything without notice.

And Finally:

Maybe I use bullets too much in my blog...

In closing, the headliner for tonight was Steve Azar (Country...). Talking about one of his songs, he said something that I thought was really important. My paraphrase:

There are so many times that we look at and around ourselves and think that our life is made up of the things we put in it: work, going to the gym, soccer practice, softball practice, ballet recital, partying, homework... Instead, we should label these things as they are: merely items that we have placed in our life to fill it. These may change how we appear to others (and sometimes ourselves), but they do not change the individual life that each of us leads behind it all.

Oh yeah... HAPPY EASTER!

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

2006-04-14T12:51:00.000-05:00

So drawing-board construction has officially completed. A few bits of finishing to the front and it will be in full working order.

Chaela and I are contemplating the possibilities of ritual suicide at this point in the school year.

We went to the final night of bowling last night...

Vicki to Jordan: "I wish my daughter was as good to me as you are to your mother."
Kamrin: "I bought you a fucking card!"
Vicki: "Bitch, I birthed you! I've still got the fucking stretch marks!"

EcoEvo lab yesterday started out pretty shitty (think a couple hours of hiking into the woods), but Dr. T bought us all Sonic on the way back, so she scored some points there.

I'm currently packing up my shit to make the journey home for StarDaze. I'm also trying to take a little extra to make the final move home a bit easier.

And in case you didn't know... Dove Milk Chocolate Truffle Eggs are absolutely orgasmic.

A moment of silence for those we have lost...

2006-04-12T04:05:00.000-05:00

*Taco-Bell at 2:30 in the morning*
[Greg pulls up to drive-thru]
Woman: Hi, Welcome to Taco-Bell. Right now we're out of chicken, sour cream, and gorditas; can I take your order?
Greg: *sigh*

Well construction is in progress of the drawing-board of the century...

I eventually logged around eleven hours finalizing my schedule for next year. I hate that it's got to be so damned complicated!

Jordan and I went to Easy Street tonight to see Kamrin...

God, I have a headache.

Sunburned - Happy = Greg

2006-04-11T11:42:00.000-05:00

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This week The World at Large features Texas Tessa's Sparkly Hour in syndicate!

"I feel shitty.
Oh, so shitty.
I can hardly believe I'm alive.
I'm so shitty.
Yada Yada,
Blah blah blah,
I feel like shit. "
(© 2006 - Beastly-T, inc.)

Very appropriate for today.

So let's see... Around 6:00 this morning I went to Wal-Mart. While there I saw this stuff called Coca-Cola Blak and bought it. "Carbonated Fusion Beverage," my ass; think one part Coke to two parts black coffee. Shitty.

I could not locate a drawing board in art today, so my prof said to use one from another- just take their art off and tack it to the wall. I turned my back for 3.427 seconds to place it on the wall and upon turning around found that my pristine, smooth, flawlessly-straight drawing board had magically morphed into a thin, flimsy, warped piece of shitty balsa wood. Now do I really have to shed some blood in the drawing room? Shitty + 1.

So on the way back from art, I parked my truck (yes, in one of Hendrix's fire zones, so-named not because they would be of use to a fire-truck, but simply to piss me off) for lunch. I was in the cafeteria for a grand total of nine minutes and returned to my truck to find that I had gotten a $20 ticket EXACTLY ONE MINUTE after I parked. Shitty x 2.

And now I get to finish scheduling classes for next term. Shitty^3.

Choosy moms choose me.

2006-04-10T15:34:00.000-05:00

Trying to set up my schedule for next year make me want to swallow razor-blades. And broken glass. And rock salt.

Using an online generator, we came up with the following slogans. Please note that an unlisted name does not indicate insignificance on your part or forgetfulness on my part; instead it merely means that we could only obtain shitty slogans from that name. Thank you.

“We’ll leave the Jared on for you.”
“Get in my Tessa.”
“Greg: The Other White Meat.”
“Happiness is a Cigar Called Jordan (B).”
“Lee- Australian for Beer.”
“Unzip an Ulf.”
“A Day Without Fiser is Like a Day Without Sunshine.”
“Think Once, Think Twice, Think Peter.”
“Storm Keeps Going and Going.”
“Better Ingredients, Better Sara.”
“Come See the Softer Side of Megan (H).”
“Double the Pleasure, Double the Ferrer.
“Wayne (C)- M’m! M’m! Good!”
“I Wish I Were a Chris (T) Weiner.”
“The Sweet You Can Eat Between Meals Without Ruining Your Megan (M).”
“You can’t top an Ami.”
“Leggo My Marissa!”
“Break Me Off a Piece of that Chris (C)!”

"Suddenly I become part of your past..."

2006-04-09T22:39:00.000-05:00

Well I'm back to the grind... *sigh*

Scott, Jordan, and I left Friday right after Organic for Eureka Springs... Once there we went and ate, did some driving, then got some... hotel/hot tub time while Scott went out (seeing as how Jordan and I are young things, not yet 21).

Saturday was mostly spent shopping... Highlights included-

Bong Ja An, the asian dress-shop owner eating popcorn
Leo, the enormous cat in the art gallery
(Bob, think: Ginger + 3 inches taller + 3 inches on each side wider + 4 inches longer = Big... Freakin'... Ass... Cat)
Playing skee-ball with machines that would give you 0 points when you hit the 50 (and winning a stylish green glow-in-the-dark ring)
Sonic sign proclaiming "Rasberry Tea" (Note: rasPberry = correct)

And now I'm back, taking a break in-between assignments.

Announcement: StarDaze in Star City this weekend. This means that I will be spending approximately twenty-five hours on the courthouse lawn. Wouldn't really have a problem with that, though, if my @!#$&% camera was operational. Oh well...

Growl

2006-04-06T02:53:00.000-05:00

It is 2:58 in the morning... and I am hungry as hell. I'm serious. And my battery is dying, so this will be short.

"Oh, girls just wanna' have fun..."

2006-04-05T15:36:00.000-05:00

Second daytime blog in a row... Damn, I'm getting good.

So last night was the first time that I've slept in my bed in the two and a half weeks since we got back from spring break. I forgot how "cushy" it was... ;)

I got out of my Organic exam today at 12:00, walked back home in the rain, curled into the fetal position on the futon, and covered myself with my chenille throw. For three and a half hours. It was fucking AMAZING! I haven't gotten to take a nap in way too long.

Foster at dinner: "Hey Greg, you like having that corndog in your mouth?"
^--Or something like that...
Jared, Tessa, Lee: "NO! Don't make any sexually suggestive comments to Greg!"
Foster:[...]
Foster: "Hey Greg, can you deepthroat a corndog?"
[I did. And he left.]
Mom's Voicemail: "Hey, it's me... It is now... 1:23 on April 5, 2006... You know how I am with numbers... I knew you'd appreciate it..."

I need a haircut like 'Whoa Bad.'

Campolo: "So one day Biology said, 'Hey, I know how we can protect these babies... let's make 'em cute; they just get thrown away when they're ugly!'"
Random person: "Short people are cute, too..." [class laughter]
Campolo: "You're funny, you know that? And they are... for a few years."
[Campolo is several inches shorter than I am, roughly 5' 3", 4" probably]

"And the man in the back said, 'everyone attack'..."

2006-04-04T11:41:00.000-05:00

Wow... I guess this will be the first blog by daylight in a while!

So we're beginning our three week charcoal landscapes today, and of course I had to choose a site way out in BFE, past the last building, looking directly into the sun. During the [seemingly] eternal walk back, my prof asked me what my major was. Learning that it was Biology, he then asked if I had thought about minoring in art. "You should really think about it; you're good at it," he said.

Now I have no intention of doing such a thing, but I think sometimes we forget to tell other people when they're doing a good job. So in response to this, to those who I know for a fact read this...

You are doing a great job at:

...being absolutely wonderful, Jordan.
...wearing cute-as-hell clothes, Tessa.
...being a bad influence, Bobbly.
...keepin' the ladies in line, Megan. (Think about it)
...somersaulting in hooker boots, Chris.

So yeah, maybe they're a bit facetious... Tell you what: you wanna' know what I think of you, ask!

And I now anticipate at least ten hours of studying for Organic tomorrow... Can you say orgasmic bliss?

Manic Monday

2006-04-04T03:02:00.000-05:00

So I went to bed at five this morning (Monday) and woke up at six to write a paper for my 8 a.m. And sure enough, I arrive "promptly" at 8:11 to find that class is cancelled. The part that really gets me is that Campolo sent an email last week telling us that... "if [he] is more than five minutes late one day this week, assume class is cancelled." Now I understand a family member's death is important, but it's not a last-minute emergency that prohibits you from emailing someone the night before, telling them that they can keep their sorry, lazy ass in bed for an extra four hours. I am bitter; it is also evident that I am cold and heartless.

So to make myself feel better, I slept through my 10:00, bringing about a day of 1 class for 3, a state of utter "Tessa-ness."

This evening the Monday group converged on Frances Drive and had spaghetti and watched Life as a House. Impressive as it is, Gigi and Steven were the only criers this week.

Sam, Life as a House: "Do you have any idea what it's like to jack-off in an armoire?"
Imagine: Gigi shuffling her feet, chasing "Toto" around the couch.
Random Hendrix freshman: "I really think I used to have a third arm."
Megan: "Yeah, we literally flapped our fluffy asses all the way there."

I think I may go to sleep right now and still get about five hours in... *mwah*

Oh yeah... found a very interesting artist: Erwin Olaf

p.s. I've not seen a more graceful "Hooker-boot Somersault" in all my years. Honest.

"I've been really tryin', baby..."

2006-04-03T03:13:00.000-05:00

My weekend...

Begun not so well at all, has ended on a high note; details are unnecessary.

In other news, Megan and Chris came up Saturday afternoon. We had intentions of having "lupper" [© 2006 - Megan, Lunch/supper combo] at Casa Viva, "Little Rock's Favorite Mexican Restaurant." Well, apparently someone lied, 'cause the place is closed permanently.

Meeting at Park Plaza was traumatizing; I parked at one end and walked to the entire other end because I'm an idiot. We'll blame it on a breakdown in communication:

Me: "Are you standing on the parking deck?"
Megan: "No, we're not. We're in front of... [Name] Towers."
Me: "I know where you are. You're on the parking deck."
Megan: "No, we're outside of women's clothing."
Me: "Yeah, you're over the parking deck."
Megan: "Here, talk to Chris; I have to go pee."

Who would have guessed that they weren’t on the parking deck?

Jordan and I waged war against a fly before heading for his show at the Factory... We won.
Fantastic performance, of course, nothing but compliments! While there, Chris made a new friend! (Altogether now, "Awwwwww.")

Later, in Martin 401:

Megan: "Cover-stealer!"

I made my first Denny's trip around 3:00-4:00 Sunday morning... This included...

Singing "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story
Discussing Megan's penchant for cattle prods [Okay, so I made that one up]
Waitress: "She's got white stuff all over hers, too!" [Oh, she knew...]
Marvin Gaye’s Let's Get it On playing over the speaker system

I made my second Denny's trip around 1:00 that afternoon... a band of heathens amidst the churchgoers. I wore leather and lace.

Somersaults in heels... enough said.
Chris: "I thought that was a drag queen for a second." [In reference to an old woman in a wig]
Megan: "I love old women in the bathroom." [...]

And my third and final Denny's trip was made at approximately 5:06 p.m.

Waiter: "I bet you want your brother back, don't you?"
Waiter: "I really need a cigarette."

Altogether I was able to log seven hours… Is that bad?

And finally... wrapping up my weekend in the shopping center behind McDonald's...

Jordan: "Now this isn't going to change our sex life!"

It's the principle of the thing!

2006-03-29T14:14:00.000-06:00

HX05_JK_First Sin
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

Well, today has been a rather good day, I must say.

Last night I was in bed by 11:30 and asleep long before 12:00. This is, I realize, for the first time in I-don't-even-know-how-long. I didn't even mind getting up for an 8:00 this morning!

The campus blood drive is today... I was eagerly awaiting the presence of the attack-dog they usually have, the one with 35 and 1/2 questions who I've seen pressure students into participation. Had she been here, I would have been able to throw the regulation back in her face disallowing me- a perfectly healthy, disease-free twenty year old male with type O (universal donor) blood- from donating.
"Well just answer the questions *correctly*" you may be saying, "and quit bitching about it." It's not that; forgive me for being banal, but it's the principle of the thing!

Anyway... housing reapplication starts today, and apparently I have a remarkably low senior draw number. And I mean low as in top 75... ;)
Basically, I get what I want.

Today is Jordan's birthday! The young thing is no longer a teenager... *tear* They grow up so fast...

I haven't posted a picture in a while, so here's one of the infamous bearded lady of Martin 401. I call this one First Sin. Now that's a sexy bitch.

Yaffles on a chuckle skim

2006-03-28T03:36:00.000-06:00

In continuation of tonight's festivities: for your perusal I offer a literary smorgasbord.
____________________

My favorite poem ever:
"The Woods of Westermain" by George Meredith
___
I.
Enter these enchanted woods, You who dare.
Nothing harms beneath the leaves
More than waves a swimmer cleaves.
Toss your heart up with the lark,
Foot at peace with mouse and worm,
Fair you fare.
Only at a dread of dark
Quaver, and they quit their form:
Thousand eyeballs under hoods
Have you by the hair.
Enter these enchanted woods,
You who dare.
...
[full text] Rather long
____________________

My favorite book ever:
The Power of One by Bryce Courtenay
___

This is what happened.
Before my life started properly, I was doing the usual mewling and sucking, which in my case occurred on a pair of huge, soft black breasts. In the African tradition I continued to sucke for my first two and a half years, after which my Zulu wet nurse became my nanny...
My life proper started at the age of five, when my mother had her nervous breakdown...
I spoke the language that had pronounced the sentences that had killed their grandfathers and sent their grandmothers to the world's first...
[amazon.com]
____________________

My favorite short story ever:
"A Christmas Memory" by Truman Capote
___

Imagine a morning in late November. A coming of winter morning more than twenty years ago. Consider the kitchen of a spreading old house in a country town. A great black stove is its main feature; but there is also a big round table and a fireplace with two rocking chairs placed in front of it. Just today the fireplace commenced its seasonal roar.
[full text]
(Bob will remember the film... "It makes me feel all sparkly inside!"
____________________

My favorite short film(s):
Tater Tomater, director Phil Morrison
___

"Tater Tomater is the story of a cafeteria worker, Doris, who, over the course of a hectic day, begins to lose control. Being forced to say the same thing over and over again, she begins rhyming words and her co-workers don't quite know how to react.
[IMDB]
__________

and Vernon, Florida, director Errol Morris
___

Early Errol Morris documentary intersplices random chatter he captured on film of the genuinely eccentric residents of Vernon, Florida. A few examples? The preacher giving a sermon on the definition of the word therefore and the obsessive turkey hunter who speaks reverentially of the "gobblers" he likes to track down and kill.
[IMDB]
____________________

My favorite feature-length film:
Life as a House, director Irwin Winkler
___

When a man is diagnosed with terminal cancer, he takes custody of his misanthropic teenage son, for whom quality time means getting high, engaging in small-time prostitution, and avoiding his father
____________________

And rather than a favorite television show, a few random quotes to round things out:

Julia: [reading aloud a letter from Dash Goff] Yesterday, in my mind's eye, I saw four women standing on a veranda in white, gauzy dresses and straw-colored hats. They were having a conversation. And it was hot. Their hankies tucked in cleavages where eternal trickles of perspiration run from the female breastbone to exotic vacation spots that southern men often dream about. They were sweet-smelling, coy, cunning, voluptuous, voracious, delicious, pernicious, vexing and sexing... these earth sister/rebel mothers... these arousers and carousers. And I was filled with a longing to join them. But like a whim of Scarlett's, they turned suddenly and went inside, shutting me out with a bolt of a latch. And I was left only to pick up an abandoned handkerchief and savor the perfumed shadows of these women... these southern women. This Suzanne. This Julia. This Mary Jo and Charlene. Thanks for the comfort, Dash Goff... the writer.
-Designing Women [more]

Blanche: She walked in on me and William last night. I could have fallen off my headboard and chipped a tooth.
Rose: You think that's bad? She came into my room while Albert and I were reenacting the plank-walking scene from "Peter Pan".
Dorothy: What the hell goes on in this house at night?
-Golden Girls [more]

Jack: For your information, most people who meet me do not know that I am gay.
Will: Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay.
Jack: Grace, when you first met me, did you know I was gay?
Grace: My dog knew.
-Will & Grace [more]

Terry: I heard a rumor.
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: What's that, Ter?
Terry: Mexican werewolves are coming up from Mexico and selling crack.
-Reno 911! [more]

____________________

Thoughts from a charcoal cloud...

2006-03-28T01:44:00.000-06:00

Continuing the "Thoughts from..." series, tonight's feature is... drumroll, please... me staying up all night again! Yay.

1:30 - I'm taking my first break... You could say that I'm pretty much a continual break-taker. Maybe that's why I never seem to get anything done.

Had the Monday night get-together tonight... Kamrin and Gigi came up. We ate and watched The Cure and Sordid Lives. Good times, good times...

Gigi: "Bitch, you betta' quit lickin' me, gurl..."

Jordan's sleeping so peacefully... too bad I don't have a sharpie on me (*mwah* baby!)...

Umm... interesting points... I saw Tessa at Wal-Mart and tried to persuade her into a pair of mesh thongs, to no avail. Oh well... I tried. And Fiser got vegan cheese-dip at dinner... WTF?

And by the way... I thought *I* was the only supernaturally cute 19-year old from Southeast Arkansas! Oh wait... I'm 20. I guess that means I'm out of the game.

Thoughts from the futon...

2006-03-27T00:52:00.000-06:00

I'm really getting to the point where I hate this futon. It feels like every time I think I may have gotten away from it, I end up right back on it. Take that as you wish: metaphorically or literally.

Tonight, for instance, I finally got my bed made (since I haven't been in it) and was on my way to bed before realizing that my only alarm, my phone, is very near dead, and with no charger long enough. So I've relocated to the futon for one more night.

*sigh*

Anyway... It's been a short day... nothing especially interesting that I can recall... Of course, I think lack of sleep is interfering with my memory; it's been especially nonexistent lately.

Is it a bad sign that it's not even Monday and I'm already ready for the weekend?
(Speaking of which... Jordan has a show at The Factory Saturday!)

I've come to the conclusion that humans top the list of "Most Ridiculous Creatures on Earth." Too many reasons to count; you know how it is.

Saving it for Jesus...

2006-03-23T04:04:00.000-06:00

Um, can you say, "Cold as hell?" It is now 4:04 a.m., and I'm sitting on Jordan's back porch waiting for my fixative to dry on my charcoal assignment. *sigh*

Had a rough day... Got a little angry... If you know, you know; if you don't, you don't want to!

Interesting point in my day for Tessa:
*Me: "Yeah, that would be awesome! I could be the poster-boy for the whole [teen] purity movement!"
*Jordan: "You'd be, like, 'Get off my dick!"
[Editor's Note: These two quotes were originally in very different contexts, but they work well together.]

Indiscriminate kiss to the all of, like, three people that actually read this: *MWAH*

"I used to be so certain, and I can’t figure out..."

2006-03-21T11:36:00.001-06:00

Well... I'm back.

From break, that is, and it's just as I remembered it: pretty shitty. Organic continues to top my list of worst inventions of all time, with stupid people a close second.

I had a fairly good weekend to end break on, though. Went to a party Saturday night with some friends and pretty much hung out with a bunch of rednecks. That's okay- I met some cool people, anyway... Okay, I could probably count the number of cool people I met on one hand... Actually, one finger pretty much would suffice. Lol. We found ourselves staying up all night talking about life, love, and naked ass on leather. All in all, regardless of some closed-minded arguing that had occurred, I had a really good time.

Sunday night Jordan and I went to Backstreet to see Vicki and Kamrin. Had a good time there, as usual... I hadn't gotten to see Vicki perform previously, so that was fun.

Last night I had to do shitty Organic until 4:00...

So that brings me to a grand total of 7 hours sleep in what is now 75 and will be 85 hours by this evening. I guess that's almost 10%... That's a good thing, isn't it?

(edit: 032206)
What follows is an extensive addendum of my weekend, per Tessa's request:

Saturday
9:02 am: Wake up. Alone in the house, girls gone. Dance naked to the mailbox.
9:47 am: Long way to the mailbox, get home and take a shower to cleanse body of road grit.
10:22 am: Summer calls, wants me at Megan's house by noon. I say, "Bitch, please."
... (censored)
2:00 pm: Arrive at Megan's house. She isn't dressed, didn't expect me so soon.
2:01 pm: Say, "Hi," to Summer and Chris.
2:50 pm: Get naked and wear Megan's jacket with the furry cuffs and collar around her room.
2:51 pm: Play with the puss. Name's Kismet.
... (censored)

Okay, Tessa... that's even boring me. Maybe this will work:

Slightly interesting points:
*Stop at a gas-station for AMP and sour skittles. The toilet in the men's room is chained down, with two Masterlocks.
*Girl I don't know at the carwash: "I don't have my mace with me tonight, but I've got this." [pulls frying pan from backseat]
*Annoying drunk: "Hey, dude, where's Frodo?" [x 3] (Yes, I do have hair on my feet, okay?)
*Me: "Megan, can I feel your ass?"

In closing, I was also commanded to post something that occurred earlier in the week: In a dream that I had, I was attending school to learn methods of tending rose-bushes. Obviously this was something I excelled at, because my roses produced fruit: penises.

The pink one.

2006-03-18T12:47:00.000-06:00

You know how you get a box of chocolates and there's this really pretty, ornate piece kind of over on the side? You bite into it, and it's sweet and fruity, and you're glad that you got such a good one without using the diagram to cheat from?

But it leaves an aftertaste... a bitter, biting sense that makes you wish you'd never picked it up...

That's me.

All Good Things...

2006-03-17T07:45:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm depressed. My spring break has mere hours left, and I'll spend a good portion of them sleeping! I intended to wake up at 5:13 to make sure Jordan left for work, but my phone randomly changed time. So, "no dice, grandma." But I did get up in time to see the girls off on their trip.

Overall, the break has been good. Did some shopping with Mom, detailed my truck, lots of hanging out, etc. I wish I had another week, though... definitely in Conway, too!

"Now don't open your eyes tonight..."

2006-03-09T06:02:00.000-06:00

Marissa
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

*Sigh* About four hours from now, I'm going to feel like absolute shit... unless I hit my no-doze and keep on running. ;) At least I'm sorta' kinda' finished with EcoEvo before Spring Break!

So I'm sitting here in the living room typing my little lab report (which isn't actually little) a few minutes ago and hear this random banging going on at my door. Basically sounded like a drunk person, rattling around with Tessa's shitty Dr. Pepper cans ornamenting the outside.

As I open the door, a guy is standing there in his boxers and attempts to walk past me into my room. Now I've seen the guy, but I have no clue as to who he is. All I know is that random strangers sleepwalking into my room is totally unnecessary.

When I did my little Stop, in the name of love pose and said, "Um, wrong floor," he gave me a weird look before drifting (stumbling) back out into the pod.

I guess he'll know next time... Unless there's cash involved, you're NOT going into my bedroom.

Damn, I need a raise

2006-03-08T16:14:00.000-06:00

Never too early to be a diva
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

Today's lyrics:
_______________

Fallin’ asleep at the wheel again baby,
You’re driftin’ over the line (line).
Your hands are tight, but you’re losin’ grip quickly-
Fix me, can you read the signs?

Thumbin’ your way to Vegas, dirty,
And Dreamin’ like you’re out of control;
Save your tears and laughter
Because this is the ride…
And this is the show
_______________

I've got to start going to bed at a decent hour. I hate being tired absolutely all of the time.

I just got back from meeting with Gatti-Clark and talking for an hour about life, liberty, and little girls. I just love her; she's so funny.

So now I'm eating stale Krispy-Kreme donuts and analyzing human demographic data for EcoEvo. Where can I trade this life in again? I'm looking for a more spacious model.

I love this picture of Marissa playing dress-up. I couldn't help but name it It's Never Too Early to be a Diva.

"Hangin' 'round... downtown by myself..."

2006-03-05T13:44:00.000-06:00

I am finally in a good mood again! Kind of excites me...

I went home yesterday to pick up some paperwork. While there, Megan, Summer, and I rode around randomly, basically doing nothing. We went to the Star City Mini-park, then the Monticello park, then Sonic...
_______________

Megan: "The last time I was at this park, I was having sex."
Me: "Me, too! In the covered slide?"
Megan: "Yeah... Whoa, that's kinda' scary."
_______________

Summer almost got picked up by a guy with a big nose, but he pissed her off.

I think I'm going to go sit on my ass and do my Ethics readings. Damn, I'm excited.

"Don't you miss the big-time, boy..."

2006-03-03T13:21:00.000-06:00

Bowery J Platform
Originally uploaded by tangentialism.

I like this picture. As someone who commented on it mentioned, you can see the repairs that have been done to the wall. They were, no doubt, essential. It wasn't just a frivolous, "Hey, let's fix something." And these were the only repairs that were made.

*sigh* I'll skip out on the boring psycho-analysis for the possible reasons I like this...

"I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go 'round and 'round..."

The next line of that song says, "I really love to watch them roll." I don't, and I'm tired of it, so I'm just going to stick with the single line.

So I'm still coughing, but it's slowly getting better, I think. It's certainly not helping today's mood. As my day progresses, I'm getting more and more into that "I just want to be alone; I don't want to hear anyone talking to me; Don't you dare touch me; and the slightest comment may get you bitched at" mood. I'm going to lay on the futon, covered in my chenille throw, and finish watching Empire Records. Then I think I may do Erin Brockovich, too. I'm hoping that will help things.

Again... skipping psycho-analysis for your preservation!

I broke my phone again yesterday. A flick of the wrist talking, and it's flying through the air, hitting a door and sliding to the floor. So now my screen's solid white; but the external one still works, and I have updated most of the custom ringtones, so I'm getting by. I'm going to check on how many times the warranty will apply (we all know this isn't a first), and if not I'll be replacing the LCD myself.

"I'm a burning effigy of everything I used to be..."

2006-03-01T00:13:00.000-06:00

Woman in Her Negligee, NYC, 1966
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

While this is not the first set of Robbie Williams lyrics I've used, these just really feel appropriate. Pretty much sums up my feelings this evening...
_______________

I'm a burning effigy
Of everything I used to be
You're my rock of empathy, my dear
...
Look me up in the yellow pages
I will be your rock of ages
Your see through fads and your crazy phases yeah
...
_______________

And I chose this picture specifically for the same reason... a tired old woman in her negligee, probably a great beauty in her day. Now she's just... old... and tired.

I'm taking a break from Organic for a bit... another bitch of a test that I haven't studied enough for tomorrow. I really don't care whether you use Sodium Borohydride, Lithium Aluminum Hydroxide, or a half-pint of moose urine to reduce a ketone into an alcohol. Does anyone?

Anyway, besides that bitching... um... so yeah, I'm still coughing. Unfortunately my personal prescription works for everything but that. And the doctor confirmed this afternoon that Jordan does, indeed, have a case of the flu. At least he prescribed some stuff that should do the trick, though... so maybe it'll be gone in a couple days.

I talked to Bob earlier... I definitely need to make a trip to see the cute little thing. Yes, sweetheart, consider yourself warned. I may even sneak you back to Conway under my shirt... or in my pants, whatever works better.

"Tell me now how do I feel..."

2006-02-26T23:23:00.000-06:00

02-26-06_0047
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

Well, Orgy, I felt like shit. (Blue Monday, just in case you were wondering)

I woke up feeling terrible today. Every muscle in my body sore, hacking until my chest hurt, just all-around pathetic. Those who know me, however, know of my "healing cocktail:"

Echinacea: 250-375 mg
Vitamin C: 1500-2000 mg
Zinc: 60-120 mg
Vitamin E: 400-800 IU
Spirulina: 1000 mg (before meal)
Two Excedrin Tension Headaches for pain
Ibuprofen (Advil): 400-600 mg for fever
Nyquil at bedtime

I also added a little Advil this time to break the fever.

Basically I'm feeling fine now. My philosophy is to ingest so many immune-boosting chemicals that either me or the bug is going to die. So far it's usually been the bug. Usually.

I took this picture of Crystal last night on the way home from the Factory! Kamrin painted her face for her show at DSRA.

Hot Pants and Honeybuns

2006-02-23T16:06:00.000-06:00

DSC04135
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

Well EcoEvo lab today was certainly different. We went to Robinson Cemetery for human demographic data collection.

I would much rather have taken a nap.

Jordan and I are going "bowling" tonight... ;)

Latest quote...: Me--> “Now I don’t want to see any sex on the futon. I have virgin eyes, you know.”
Jared--> “If your eyes are virgin, they’re the only part of you that is so.”

Melpomene visits me in my sleep

2006-02-22T15:22:00.000-06:00

DSC06260
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

I've come to the conclusion that our futon is the most fucked up piece of furniture in existence. While I sleep on it quite often, and generally find it rather comfortable, the seat is at such an angle that it proves impossible to keep from getting a headache if sleeping on it in its "couch" position. Of course, I suppose I could actually sleep in my own bed...

I've been more tired than usual today. That's okay, I'm planning a rather early bedtime tonight, so maybe I can catch up.

I have exactly three pieces of chocolate left. Basically, my world is going to come to an end if I don't go shopping soon.

I like this picture of Marissa... she's so cute.

Recession into ambiguity...

2006-02-22T00:41:00.000-06:00

"Much is not clear about the way the dogs died. Events on the periphery of the deaths, like points on undulating, outward-moving circles, recede into liquid uncertainty. The origins of the event are obscure, and its effects dwindle onward into indeterminacy. Causality cannot be established, and responsibility becomes a meaningless conceit, of no concern and no question.
Yet at the center remains the event itself, and it is fully clear: the dogs died."

*Sigh* The previous are the opening lines from my BioEthics reading for tonight. It's passages like that that just make me want to scream "What the fuck?" out my window.

I suppose I'll be 1:00 getting into bed again tonight. I used to stay up late regularly, but I just get so tired of it now. Just once I'd like to be in bed and asleep by 10:00. Come to think of it, I was asleep by 8:30 one night a couple weeks ago. Maybe as long as I'm in this godforsaken place I'll just have to deal with no more than one of those every few months.

Other than my bitching over the necessary homework, today was a fairly good day. After art I came home and spent most of the day cleaning the room and organizing my files. I've decided that I need to reformat my computer very soon. It's been almost a year, and it's getting rather erratic in its operation (especially when you've got Photoshop continuously raping system resources.

Esse quam videri

2006-02-21T01:15:00.000-06:00

This week has just begun and already I'm ready for it to be over. Lab today was a total mind-fuck... Goodwin's exact words were, "I was going to give a lecture over this [new material], but I decided instead just to throw you guys in there to figure it out for yourselves." Great. That's fan-fucking-tastic.

And then the rest of the day was spent trying to catch up on all the rest of my homework. *Sigh*

Anyway, enough bitching... I told Jared that he would make a good old woman. His response:
"Then I could wear hats. Lots of hats. And big ones!"

I had a very traumatizing dream yesterday... While watching The Hours, I fell asleep and found myself dreaming that I was attempting to talk to my mother on the phone but couldn't hear her because music was coming from somewhere and I couldn't turn it down. I think I even started crying... So yeah, I hate the music that loops over a DVD main menu... especially when I'm asleep. ;)

I guess I'll be going to bed earlier than I had expected. Doesn't, necessarily, mean that I got enough done... simply that I am getting too damn old for this late night shit. Damn you, sleep... why are you such a hassle?

The sky is chocolate, dotted with diamonds...

2006-02-15T12:22:00.000-06:00

Well Valentine's Day has come and gone. We went to Little Rock, but decided to just come back home... it was a nice evening in, I must say.

Speaking of Valentine's... the ring that I ordered SUNDAY and requested FedEx next-day air was not sent, as it should have been, Monday morning. Instead, it did not ship until 10:00 pm Tuesday evening for arrival this morning. Oh well... it's here now, so I suppose I can't complain too much. I think I'm going to finish watching Dolores Claiborne (I just love Kathy Bates...) then go pick it up.

I also need to go to Wal-Mart. I'm out of chocolate and I'm getting pissy...

"The boys have done a bit of bird..."

2006-02-11T23:57:00.000-06:00

Child with a toy hand grenade in Central Park, NYC, 1962
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

Diane Arbus has got to be one of my very favorite photographers. I think the real key to art is not, necessarily, to have the right format, the perfect medium, the exact angle... it's all about eliciting emotion. And it doesn't have to be solely positive emotions, either. This is where Arbus gets things exactly right. She always tended toward photographs of those individuals considered unnatural by "normal" society. Her pictures seem to make the viewer feel a bit uncomfortable and splendidly awkward simply for staring at the types of things that we are taught to ignore.

For some reason I've had Robbie Williams, Tripping, in my head all day. "First they ignore you... then laugh at you and hate you. Then they fight you... then you win..."

Good stuff, good stuff... Nothing too eventful today. It started out splendidly, but pretty much went downhill after noon.

"It's gon' be a good day, Tater."

2006-02-10T14:59:00.000-06:00

I swung by the burrow on my way from OChem this afternoon to get some Starbucks; sipping my white chocolate mocha, I walked through the snow and actually loved my life. You know, sometimes you just have a really tiring week (or two, or three, or four)... and it takes a little snow to make it better.

I should have left town long ago, but I have to take care of some housing crap. Basically, they decided to totally disregard my signature stating that Jared and I would be the only residents of a triple room and thought they were going to stick a third person in here. Um, yeah, I think not. As soon as their meeting lets out we will certainly be taking care of that.

They actually managed to get the water fixed late yesterday afternoon; rather surprising, if I do say so myself. It's almost as if the administration actually cares about their students... what a heartwarming thought!

I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees: "We suck."

2006-02-09T16:07:00.000-06:00

Foundmagazine.Com
Originally uploaded by exiguousopificer.

I came across this picture on Found Magazine's website... This absolutely makes my day.

Well I completed my EcoEvo proposal this morning between 6:00 and 8:00... "Impact of Food Variety and Risk-Assessment in the Primary Foraging Behavior of Sciurus carolinensis." Then our lab consisted of walking around campus for three hours, measuring trees and counting mistletoe. At one point my hands were so cold that there was a full second's delay between my thoughts and their movement... This cannot be healthy.

I hate my life.

The water still isn't on... they did, indeed, rip up a portion of the parking lot. That was this morning and no one has been seen in the hole since then. The shattered ceramic pipe lying next to it seems to indicate bad news.

Time for us girls to go down to the river and fetch some water...

2006-02-08T15:44:00.000-06:00

Trick or Treat
Originally uploaded by khayes.

I have officially found one of the cutest pictures ever.

But other than that, my day has been entirely uneventful. I'm fairly certain that I passed my OChem test... certainly not by a long shot, however.

Since then I've been sitting on my ass, eating skittles, and working on my EcoEvo project proposal (Risk-sensitive foraging in Sciurus carolinensis). Basically it was becoming a good day.

I walked to the bathroom and saw the sign stating that the water had been cut off. "Okay, that's fine... I can handle that."

Then Jared came traipsing in with a ridiculous announcement. Due to a drainage problem, the water to Martin Hall will be cut off... indefinitely. Not only this, but it is a distinct possibility that they may have to "tear up" the Martin/Couch Circle Parking lot. Basically we could be talking about a month of walking down four floors and fifty yards in the cold to take a shower. There are reports of it being fixed much, much sooner, however... we have a hall meeting tonight over just this topic.

And this, you see, is what I pay $30,000 a year for.

(2S,3S)-3-phenyl-2-butanol

2006-02-08T01:12:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I've chosen to join the masses and start my own blog.

The primary purpose of such will be for nights just like tonight... sitting here, in the living-room, staring and weeping a bit over my Organic Chemistry notes- the same notes I've been avoiding for weeks. I quite frankly expect nothing better than a fairly brutal rape on tomorrow's test.

I suppose it would help if I actually took time to study: so in response to such a thought, I've decided that I'm going to make a sincere effort this semester. I'm going to start reading the chapters as they're introduced, I'm going to do the homework, and I'm even going to review a bit every night. Hell, who knows... there may be a studious side to me after all.

But in the meantime I'll probably continue the whole procrastination-and-stay-up-late-the-night-before-and-feel-like-shit-the-next-day thing. As for tonight, I expect about another hour or two of OChem and then another for Ethics and Medicine readings. Maybe I can squeeze some sleep in if I try hard.