"Poodles Play Pinochle; Dog Show Cancelled"

Well what's the first thing you do on vacation? That's right, go to Wal-Mart...

• Wal-mart intercom: I need any member of management to the front for a 'Code Sunshine.' I don't know what a Code Sunshine is, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's serious.

And some more pearls of wisdom from my mother...

• Mom: When I was a little boy my mother wouldn't even let us in the house until dinnertime.
  Mark: So those sex changes really do work, huh?
• Mom: Did you see those pants? Oh my god, cameltoe!